Social Media IS Real Life

The cliche "social media isn't real life" needs to be put to rest once and for all.

For several years, I have bristled as I have heard repeatedly from folks who mean well, “Social media isn’t real life.” I understand the impulse, and the statement is usually well-intended: to get people to disconnect from their screens and engage in people in physical, geographical space and time. It purposes toward reminding us that the often fierce and harsh tone that oozes out of some folks in digital communication is not how most people generally act toward one another in the daily rhythms of work and life. “Don’t read the comments” is proverbial wisdom for a reason, after all.

That said, for all the good intent, the slogan that “social media isn’t real life” amounts to a cheap cliche. It doesn’t adequately explain the way social media can and often does play into our lives and relationships. Social media has become a new hub of relationships and communication, something like a new public square. We should stop saying social media doesn’t “really” matter, that it isn’t “real” life. Social media of course is not all of life or the most important part of life; but social media is now, like it or not, an aspect of “real” life for most of us. Social media will have influence on our relationships and our world for the foreseeable future. Just look at the Russian assault on Ukraine. The continued sight of Ukrainian bravery and heroism seen on social media has played a huge role—maybe even a determinative role—in swaying the opinion of the world toward mobilizing a massive geopolitical realignment.

Pitting social media and "real life" against one another is an overly simplified trope. Social media is an aspect of real life which can be neutral, helpful, or harmful, depending on many factors. Every person lives their life in a nexus of relationships, some superficial, some deep, some offline, some online, and these factors (depth, “digitality”) vary. We can have deep online relationships or superficial offline ones. Most will be some combination of factors. Social media, like so many things, including "in person relationships,” can be used or abused. So, instead of mindlessly scrolling Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, or TikTok videos, and then hiding in an untrue cliche (“this isn’t actually real life”), we should engage social media our presence with an intent toward virtue.

Social Media Virtues

First, we can live into the virtue of faith on social media when we believe the believe the best about what a person is saying or doing. Instead of anger at what we perceive as insolence or insincerity or self-promotion, we should try to engage in a level of social trust until proven otherwise.

Second, we embrace the virtue of hope when we reject the anxious despair of the age and stop doing so much “doomscrolling.” With Covid or Ukraine or the annual meeting of a network of churches, social media has its place and its helpfulness; and like everything else in “real” life, it has its limits.

Third, we can truly love others as we engage on social media. We can be patient with someone who seems to make a snarky comment to us. We can be kind to others by liking their posts and commenting on their family photos. We can forgive and forget offenses when someone opens a wound. We can reject envy of the seeming perfection of life and crucify boasting while capturing our own moments of joy. We can forsake arrogance, rudeness, self-promotion, and sarcasm in thousands of ways large and not as a large. We can turn digital connections and networking into deeper friendships, as pixels become handshakes and hugs.

Finally, as an exercise of love, we can rejoice in the truth. Truth truly does mobilize freedom, as we’re seeing, in real time, in real life, on social media, in the ongoing coverage of the Ukrainian resistance to tyrannical invasion.

Social media is real life, so we should live it with wisdom and virtue.